Forbidden Fruit

Racism is such a heavy topic in my life. I can’t remember the last time that I had a conversation with my dad that didn’t include racial slurs. I’ve been told since I was little that I would be banned from the family if I ever had a relationship with a black man. My sister was disowned for having a biracial child. My family is ridiculous.

So naturally, I am very, very attracted to black men. In fact, I have only dated one white guy in the past year. I dumped him because his lips were too thin. It was annoying to kiss a face with thin lips. Shallow, I know… But I like what I like. I’m not going to apologize for that.

I spent the night with a beautiful set of lips this past weekend. I can’t even begin to describe how sexy it was, watching the contrast of our bodies intertwine in the large mirror across from the bed. It almost feels like a fetish for me. Like, I don’t think that I could ever commit to a white guy, because I enjoy black men so much. It’s like the opposite of racism. And the fact that I pick men based on the color of their skin feels wrong. But again, I like what I like. And the black men that I’ve encountered don’t seem to mind at all. This guy was very happy to oblige.

He was holding my face, staring into my eyes, and kissing me. I was mystified by the intimacy of the moment, when he asked if he could put a little brown baby inside of me. I’m pretty sure my brain shorted out at that moment from the confusion of how that made me feel. First of all, that is a horrible idea. I know I recently decided that I was ready to fall in love again…but I am definitely not ready for that kind of commitment. And I don’t love this guy. I barely know him. At the same time, I don’t think that I have ever been more turned on in the history of my life. By the end of the night, I was practically begging him to put a little brown baby inside of me.

I really shouldn’t be allowed to make adult decisions, especially while a beautiful black man (and a lot of wine) is inside of me. I will anxiously be awaiting the start of my next period and hoping that my polycystic ovaries are still out of commission.