When I realized that I had moved my kids into a new town, with a man that made me crazy, I started to get very depressed. Not like my normal sad slumpy mood, but sad like I thought the world would be better off without me, more specifically…that my children would be better off without me. It got pretty dark inside my head for the first time since the prenatal depression I experienced in both of my girls’ third trimester. It’s the kind of depression that creeps in without a notice, and then one day you can’t stop yourself from googling suicide notes and listening to Marilyn Manson’s Dope Show on repeat while crying hysterically at inappropriate times.
So you can imagine the fucking miracle it was for me when my boyfriend’s daughter invited me to a ‘moon gathering.’ We took pillows and journals and little vegan snacks. We sat on the floor of a quiet little yoga studio, in a circle around an altar of candles and sage. A circle of women, beautiful spiritual women, meditating and talking about the moon and astrology. I’m a fucking astrologer! Where have these ladies been all my life?! I came from a family of extremely conservative Christians, who did not understand me or accept me. And all my life I’ve been surrounded by people giving me the crazy girl laugh-off. Anyone who believes in the stars is batshit crazy, right? And there I was, just like the little bumble bee girl in Blind Melon’s ‘No Rain’ video. I had just stumbled upon a room full of my own tribe, my sisters.
And when my world came crashing down shortly after that, those women carried my drowning spirit to dry land. They became my friends in a town where I had none. They fed my soul with respect and love like a farmer feeds water to a thirsty crop. And I’m certain we all came together for the very purpose of spreading our light. It really does feel like I’ve known these women all of my life, or lives.
One of these ladies has changed my life beyond my wildest expectations. I knew the moment I met her, that she would be significant in my life. I can’t remember if I told her my story first or if she told hers. But we had come through similar experiences. She has courageously warred her way through life. She is a legend. She is the kind of person that demands attention without ever demanding attention. The world just gravitates towards her. She is an ascended Leo Rising, a master of energy. She is my fairy Godmother, as she is for anyone who knows the warmth of her very long hug. She is my dear friend. She is the very reason that I crawled out of and rose above my deepest depression. She was a lighthouse in the hurricane of my life. And she will never know how honored my soul is to know her.
May the angels guide her through this darkest time of her own. And may she know that my heart is always rooting for her health.