I read some old Chinese folk lore the other day, about an imaginary red string that is tied around the ankles of a soul mate couple. No matter where you are at in life, that red string still connects you to the person you were born to experience life with.
I find the idea of soul mates to be completely ridiculous. I actually feel sorry for the handful of women that I know who have only ever been with one or two people. I have a married friend who lost her virginity to her husband. She is in her fifties and has only ever had one lover. What if he’s horrible in bed? How would she know? It seems very tragic to me. I suppose the two of them share so much intimacy, that their connection overrides the monotony. It’s not my place to judge.
I do understand the sexual value of an intimate connection. My ex husband was the first person I had ever felt that with. We had ten years together and he still remains the only man I have ever experienced real, raw intimacy with. He and I didn’t have much in the way of companionship, but we had a very fulfilling sex life. Even after we separated and I moved out, we had amazing sex. We kind of had to ween ourselves away from each other in that way. Ironically enough, we have a very stable companionship now, founded in coparenting and a mutual respect for each other’s journey. But we were never soul mates.
I think I am the only astrologer in the world who doesn’t believe in soul mates. I mean, there are aspects in compatibility astrology that can signify an intense connection. There are aspects that point to attraction, love, and relationships. I can accurately predict if a couple will share a child. But I don’t see it as two people who are destined to come together and share those aspects. I see it as a choice that two people have made, and their energy is compatible or not. But it has nothing to do with destiny. We all share these aspects with many people. By that logic, I have thousands of soulmates in this world.
The belief in soulmates automatically smothers out the idealism of choice. Life without choice would be nothing more than acting. The theater is entertaining, but you don’t gain any value from speaking someone else’s words or moving through someone else’s motions. Free will is a non negotiable in my beliefs. And that means that in any given moment, we have the ability to choose our own life. We have the logic to understand that the head and the heart are separate for a reason. We can feel a pull towards or away from another person. But we are gifted with the ability to choose. Love is a choice that you make and not some fated birthright.
I don’t have some imaginary red string tied to some elusive man who was born to be my lover. I have a heart that has loved many. And I have a brain that has always known (although sometimes a little too late) when to walk away. Choosing to love someone is much more romantic than enslaving yourself to fate.
I see life in much the same way. Life is nothing more than a series of decisions. Astrology is a compass, not a destination.