I have set some dreams aside along the way in life. I think it happens to everyone. You get this idea in your head of how life is going to go, and then life throws you a big fucking curve ball. And then another. And another. And then you just quit having ideas about the future. You just start to follow along with someone else’s, anyone else’s. And your dreams fall behind.
Those days are gone for me. I’m going to stop living small. Im going to stop attaching myself to other people’s ambitions. I’m going to start creating my own life based on my own dreams.
I’m going to write out some goals. And I’m going to chase them as hard as I can.
One might think that this sounds like a pretty normal thing to do with one’s life. Not a big deal. But to me it is a big deal. I am very much a ‘live in the moment and go with the flow’ type of person. Plans feel like decisions, and decisions feel like commitments. And being the Libra Sun and Rising that I am, I absolutely despise making decisions. My fear of commitment level is off the charts. I couldn’t even commit to myself. But that fear is beginning to fall away.
So here is a painting of the future I have dreamed up from for myself…
I want to spend more time with my children. I’ve been told by two different palm readers that I am destined to be rich. One said my fortune would come from the lottery. The other predicted riches from fame. I will admit that I have started to buy lottery tickets for the first time in my life. And thanks to that palm reader, I will be buying those damn tickets until the day I die.
But just in case my good fortune falls through, I’m hoping my massage therapy career will blossom into something that allows me to quit the cubicle life. I don’t need to be rich. I just want to work a little less, so my kids don’t have to raise themselves. And I want to be mobile enough throughout the day, that I can live long enough to help raise my grandchildren. I just want to spend more time with my girls.
If the massage career can’t get me by, I want to supplement my massage job with a part time job at the school. Maybe an aid, maybe a lunch lady. I just want to be present as a parent.
This will also free up some time for me to write more about astrology. I absolutely love writing about the moon phases, but I want to expand my writing to horoscopes and monthly advice write ups, based on the stars. I’ve also considered making videos. Astrology is my passion and I’d like to explore it more as a lifestyle.
And when my youngest daughter graduates high school, I will take my ten years of massage therapy experience and move to the Florida Keys, where I will practice massage under a breezy cabana on the beach for some fancy resort. I will also continue to write from my humble little houseboat in the marina. And I definitely have an original Volkswagen bus. And weed is legal. And Rage Against the Machine reunites. And I am standing on the beach with a good lover by my side, watching the sunset with warm salty air reminding me that dreams sometimes do come true. I feel beautiful and content.
And that’s it. That’s my perfect future.