My eight year old daughter asked if I could read my blog to her. Unfortunately, I have nothing written down that she is ready to hear. I started this blog so that when my daughters were older, they could read a little bit about life during their childhood, through my eyes. My mom and I don’t talk much. I know very little about her life during my childhood or prior. And that breaks my heart. I want my girls to know me.
We should have named you Sunshine, because when you came into our lives, with your big cheesy smile, you lit up our world and gave us hope. I remember crying during the ultrasound I had when you were still in my womb. After trying for so long to bring you into our family, watching your busy little feet kick around inside me was one of the greatest moments of my life. We found out you were a girl that day. Dad got busy remodeling your room. I could not wait to get you home and rock you to sleep in your Ladybug nursery. That feeling never went away. I sobbed like a lunatic on the last night of my maternity leave. I felt like Dumbo’s mom, pulling myself away from you was agonizing. But I had to do it so I could afford to raise you. I hope when you are older and have a baby of your own, that the world will be a little more supportive to the importance of the parental bond.
Holding you at night was my happy place. Your optimism and adventure for life are inspiring. Since your first breath, you have made us smile on a daily basis. You had sass right out of the womb and I wouldn’t have you any other way. Your mind is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever witnessed. Your ability to live wide open as your truest self is my greatest accomplishment. Please don’t ever lose that one.
I don’t know what you will accomplish in this lifetime. But I do know that you are an extraordinary person. I know that you are going to sprinkle your pixie dust along the road of life, pouring color into this black and white world. And this world is going to be better because you are in it.
I hope you always feel loved and safe. I hope you keep a good circle of friends. I hope you know that I am always in your corner, even on your darkest days. And I hope you don’t have too many of those…just enough to gain some wisdom about your old soul. Your beautiful, amazing, and precious old soul.
I hope you know that life is what you make of it. If you dream hard enough, you will make your own dreams come true, and I hope so badly that you do. I hope you see the sunset with the full moon rise as often as you can. And I hope you know that your dad and I love you in that very same way. We couldn’t always be together, and shine on you at the same time, but we both love you day and night.
I hope you fall in love with someone who deserves you. Someone who knows your soul like I do and will cradle it gently to their safest place. I hope you never lose your curiosity about nature. And I hope you will live in a society that respects it. I know you will speak up if you find that you don’t. I hope you never feel small. I hope you always stand tall. I hope you follow your heart just a little bit more than your brain, and I hope it leads you to great places. I hope you always see the magic in life. I hope you always love yourself as fiercely as you love Pokémon cards. I hope you get to read this to a child of your own some day, when you are older. And I hope your heart will then, finally understand the magnitude of our bond. I love you to infinity and beyond.