Thoughts on my own individuality…
People refer to me as “eccentric” all the time. I think it’s their kind way of letting me know that I’m weird and different. I am weird and different. To start with, I’m a gigantic woman. I am almost six feet tall. I stand out in a crowd, because I tower over it. I don’t wear heels when I go out with my friends, because I already look like fucking Willie Wonka, with a squad of Oompa Loompas trailing behind me.
I live an eccentric life. I meditate by the river, I howl at the moon, I’m kind of prudish and perverted at the same time. I love very intensely, but I almost never show it. I’m the girl who blurts out what everyone else was thinking, but they had the decency to keep it to themselves. I’m not decent. I am spiritual as fuck, but I also say “fuck,” a lot more than I should. I’m a really good mom, but I credit my patience to the massive amounts of wine that I consume when my kids are with their dad. And as if that wasn’t enough, I’m also completely obsessed with astrology.
I possess one of the rarest Astrology charts that there is, a wedge chart. According to the sky, in the moment that I was born, all of the planets, the sun, and the moon were clustered into one corner of the zodiac. Supposedly, this makes me a very special person. I have read that this means I am here to change the world. However, I have never felt special and I am much too lazy to change the world.
But here’s what I’ve recently figured out: The world doesn’t change all at once, like we see in the movies. The change comes quietly, in a million different pieces. It’s subtle. It’s like a molting bird, compared to a snake which sheds it’s entire skin all at once. I am one of those million different pieces. And I am changing the world. I’m plucking feathers out of this old bird, by having the courage to be myself, somewhat a rarity in today’s society.
When I was in my twenties, I hid my passion for astrology, because I was afraid that people would think I was crazy. When I started my astrology blog last year, I panicked every time I hit the ‘publish’ button. What would people think about me after publishing a post about how the planet Uranus is affecting my love life? Even I can admit that it sounds ridiculous. I know that my friends and family think I’ve lost my damn mind. Ironically, with Saturn transiting my third house right now, they are exactly right. I have lost my damn mind. And it has been one of the best things to ever happen to me. Because without my mind getting in the way, I have been able to spend some much needed time with my heart. And that’s where the good stuff happens. That’s where I have stumbled upon the road that lead me back to myself, a girl that I am still and always learning about.
I have spent the last six months nursing myself through a major life crisis. I should be depressed and guilt ridden, but I feel amazing. I have been pulling my guts out and making stories out of this mess, and it feels amazing. I’ve had complete strangers message me, thanking me for my honesty, my guidance, my astrology. And that is very fucking amazing. My point is, even if one person sees that I love myself not inspite of my eccentricities, but BECAUSE of them…than I have successfully changed the world. Because now that one person has access to a self worth they once might have thought impossible.
So I have given myself permission to fall madly in love with me. I’m not talking about just my good parts. I’m talking about the weird stuff, my shadow side, the parts of me that I have always tried to hide before. And by doing so, I am changing the world. I am telling anyone who reads this post that it is absolutely fucking acceptable to be passionate about yourself. Wear ‘eccentric’ like a badge of honor. Don’t just accept your oddities, parade them through the fucking street. Because little by little, when we all have the courage to step outside of society and into ourselves, the world will finally be a place of true love and acceptance. It will be a wild and spectacular sight to see.
So if you are reading this, please embrace your inner-weirdo. Shine on, you batshit crazy diamond. The world needs you now more than ever before.